Another Survey

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments…what is it?
1. Produce: Little tangerines
2. Bakery: Stone ground wheat bread
3. Meat: Chicken
4. Frozen: Sherbet
5. Dairy: Yoplait strawberry yogurt

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?
1. Jeans
2. Clean shirt
3. Flip flops

If I was to listen in on your conversations throughout the day, what 3 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. “You’re stupid Eric.”
2. “Group is starting …”
3. “Yes, I know. I'm a horrible person.” (This is my usual response whenever the members complain about having to participate in whatever group or outing I'm trying to encourage them to go to.)

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?
1. Shower
2. Sleep
3. Write in journal and read scriptures

You have a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Cleaning my room
2. Raiding the freezer
3. Watching a movie or TV episode that I’ve taped
4. Sliding around on the kitchen floor in my socks
5. Talking to myself

We are going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. Giraffes
2. Elephants
3. Whatever “baby” is on exhibit

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on TV of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. The Office or Lost (Hmmm...John Krasinski or Matthew Fox...)
2. House
3. Monk
4. Psych

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Mint cookies n’cream
2. Neapolitan (ha! 3 in 1!)
3. Raspberry cheesecake

Somebody stole your purse…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. 2 cell phones
2. palm pilot
3. wallet
4. notepad
5. book light

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. Oceanographer
2. Archaeologist
3. Writer
4. Surgeon

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. Finish your senior year of band
2. Keep playing tennis
3. Keep in better touch with your friends afterwards
4. You’ll be just fine =]

Finding your inner child

Today during the art therapy group that I was running we ended up talking about finding our inner child. A lot of the young adults that I work with have led pretty crappy lives. They had no real childhood to speak of. And while some of their chalk pictures were the normal dark/weird images, most of them were actually very happy. So we talked about childhood and how important it is, and how they might be able to find the childhood that they never really had while still becoming a grown up. It was probably one of the most productive sessions I've had with them.

I blow bubbles. I keep a little bottle hidden in my room. I blow them all over my room and watch as they float to the ground, getting my carpet wet. They make me smile every time. Sometimes I dance in them. It's fun.

Chicken Joe

My goal in life is to be like Chicken Joe. I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “Surf’s Up,” but I just saw it recently, and it is pretty much great. I actually saw bits and pieces of it at work before I saw the movie the whole way through. I had popped it into the DVD player as an alternative to BET, and after ten minutes the two gangsta young men playing pool were staring at the TV in awe. One of them even asked me “Hey, what are you doing to us? Where did you get this movie from?” because they were so drawn to watch it (“I can’t help it…It’s so beautiful!”).

Chicken Joe is the air-headed, calm and collected, strangely talented best friend of the main character in Surf’s Up. He is the quintessential “surfer-dude,” riding the waves because he loves it, and not for fame or fortune. Some of his exploits during the movie include sticking his head over the blow-hole of a whale in order to get brain freeze, buying a coconut hat with matching ensemble, diving into the jungle to search for Cody, making friends with the local natives, and even learning a new language.

I think that real surf bums must be included with the groups of religions or sects that focus on finding peace, calm, and oneness with nature. A few weeks ago I took a day off from work and went to the beach. I walked up and down the beach taking pictures, and noticed the surfers as they approached the water. Each of them stretched facing the water, and as they finished stretching they stood up and just looked out over the waves, out as far as they could see. They had that look in their eyes that said they could see where the earth curves around towards the other side. You know they are real surf bums if they have that look in their eye. They don’t teach you that in surfing school.

My Uncle Ray was a surfer. He’s my uncle by marriage, but I always felt close to him because he was the one that taught me how to snorkel. And even though I didn’t surf like he did, he taught me how to look out at the ocean and realize the magnitude of everything that lies beneath its surface; taught me to realize how incredible it is, that there is so much beyond the horizon. Did you know that when a surfer passes away, after the funeral his friends gather at the beach and suit up to go out into the water? They each grab their surf board and wreaths of flowers and paddle out (That’s what it’s called—a paddle out), form a circle in the water, and toss the wreaths out into the water in memory of the person who has died. Isn’t that a really peaceful way to send someone off?

Yeah, I think I’d like to be like Chicken Joe someday. Just watching life float, like life should float, instead of worrying about paddling every second that I’m out in the water.

Living in a Fishbowl

The-not-totally-hostile-but-still-rather-uncomfortable takeover at work culminated today in a change not at all pleasant for me. No fears, my job is safe. But people that I never thought would be pinpointed as a scapegoat have been, and that makes me frustrated and angry. I’m tired of living in a fishbowl. Suddenly I feel bad for my turtle, Alvin. Maybe I should set him free.

My painful version of The Office

My life at work this past week has been like an episode of the Office. Unfortunately it's not one of the funny episodes of the Office, where Michael burns his foot on a George Foreman grill and Jim uses a plant sprayer to keep Michael and Dwight from fighting, or where Dwight ends up hiding in a box in the warehouse. It's one of the awkward episodes, where Michael says something so totally inappropriate that everyone just sits around and stares at each other until someone dares to break the silence. One of those episodes where you grab the remote and just know that your overactive sense of empathy tells you that you just can't watch such painful proceedings, and you may have to change the channel to something less entertaining, but altogether less torturous. Sadly, it looks like the rest of this week is going to be the same awkward Office episode, over and over again. If there is one thing that I've learned to dislike, it's office politics.

On a brighter note, Masterpiece Theater is highlighting Jane Austen movies for the next couple of weeks. How clever of them. It almost makes up for the rest of the stressfulness.

I also made another step into the "now" (remember, last year was the first time I got a cell phone?) by using my iTunes cards. It was enlightening. I've never really bothered with iTunes before, because I never really felt the need to take the time to learn how to use it. Lately, however I've been keeping a list on my palm pilot of songs that I hear on the radio that I like. I got a couple of iTunes cards from my lovely sister and brother, and logged on to iTunes to download said list. It was thoroughly successful, which makes me happy, because now I can listen to Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow over and over again. And, I'd just like you to know that I memorized how to say Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's last name. Well, sometimes I add an extra "wa."

Really, I'm just babbling now. I'm afraid to get off, because my conscience might require me to do something productive, instead of checking to see if there is a new episode of House on tonight, like I really want to do.

I cost $252.00

I was cleaning my room on Saturday when my Dad knocked on the door. He held up a couple of green-colored papers and asked, “Do you want this for your Book of Remembrance?” I looked at the papers, and guess what they were? The hospital receipts from when I was born. Now, I know what you are thinking. Who in their right mind keeps a hospital receipt for almost 27 years? The answer is: My Dad. 27 years later though, I’m sort of grateful that my parents never get rid of anything.

Here’s the breakdown:

*Nursery, for 1 day $110.00
Now, I’m pretty sure if you go to Hotwire or Travelocity and look for a decent hotel room, it costs about the same amount. So what I want to know is 1) what was so luxurious about that basinet? and 2) How many other babies were in that same room with me, being charged the same amount? Those hospitals are making bank!

*Newborn Evaluation $50.00
This one, I can’t really argue with. The insurance I have right now charges me $25 to go see the doctor. So I figure, spending almost 50 bucks to figure out if I’m alive isn’t so bad.

*Department of Pathology $39.50
Thirteen dollars to test my red blood count. Eight dollars to do the direct Coombs test. In case you were wondering what that is, I looked it up. According to MedlinePlus, the Coombs' test looks for antibodies that act against your red blood cells. Another eight-fifty goes to doing the PKU Blood test. Have you ever read a label in the grocery store that has a warning “Attention Phenylketonuriacs: This product contains Phenylalanine.” Well, this is the test to see if you are a Phenylketonuriac. Apparently it’s a blood test to see if your body has the enzyme needed to process the Phenylalanine. If you don’t have the enzyme, the Phenylalanine can build up in the baby’s blood, and cause brain damage, seizures, and other bad stuff. Apparently, I’m not a Phenylketonuriac. However, I’ve always thought that would be fun, because you could go around saying “I’m a Phenylketonuriac,” and very few people would understand that you were even speaking English at the time.

*Nuclear Medicine $29.50
My Mom can’t remember what this is for. Wikipedia says that nuclear medicine takes scans of your body, similar to a CT or MRI, but different because they use a different process. Basically, they took some sort of x-ray to see if everything was working well. Apparently it was, because we ended up moving on to the…

*Newborn Discharge Exam $23.00
Twenty-three dollars to ask, “Can I go home?”

The Infamously Strung-Up Santa

Susie, This one's for you.

Entertaining a Britte

How does one go about entertaining a Britte? I've personally known a real-life Britte for at least the first 25 years and 4 months of my life; and yet, this question has plagued me. (Oh yes, Britte you are a plague). For example, she is currently listening to the voice of Rush Limbaugh over CNN. Who would ever have thought that such a thing could entertain a Britte? Even I was shocked! But then, Britte's do tend to do things that you would not expect at the strangest times.

However, having been familiar with a Britte for the aforementioned amount of time, I have come up with just a few suggestions if you have a Britte in your own life that needs entertaining.

First, purchase a multitude of multimedia. This will entertain the Britte for approximately 75% of the lifetime of a Britte. A good investment, if you ask me!

Second, buy the Britte a strategy game. Britte's are, in general, always entertained by a strategy game. If, for some reason, the strategy game does not work, hand her a set of silverware. Approximately 67% of Britte's have a mutated imagination. Your Britte will most likely be able to find something intriguing to do with her set of silverware. My Britte, for example, used to use silverware in place of her toys when she was grounded and got all the real toys taken away. How clever!

My third suggestion for entertaining a Britte would be to subscribe to the Sci-Fi channel. Unfortunately this suggestion may pertain to my Britte alone. I have found no scientific evidence as to whether or not a majority of the Britte's of the world depend on a day-to-day basis on the Sci-Fi channel. You may want to test this theory on your own Britte. I do not believe that there will be any lasting damages to your Britte if she reacts negatively to the Sci-Fi channel. I believe in the end, it will all work out for the best.

There are many Britte's in the world, despite what some may think, and I strongly believe that they are all in need of more entertaining. Despite their current numbers, studies show that the Britte's are quickly becoming endangered. I believe if the people of the world were to embrace the Britte's and follow these steps, we would have more than enough Britte's to fill our necessary quota. Please follow these steps and help save the Britte's!

Happy New Year!